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Saturday, January 31, 2004
i've had enough of drama. so i deleted that last post. and nothing like that is going up here. ever again. today was ok. things got figured out last night. and while stuff still sucked once mom and i got home, this morning it was ok. we went grocery shopping and things feel somewhat normal again. i won't tell her why i had a bad week, she only asked once and i think she has an idea what it involves, but won't say anything to me, and i won't say anything to her. the whole thing is more embarrassing and humiliating as each day goes on, and i feel like someone who's had their entire savings stolen from them in some pyramid scam. too embarrassed to report it or talk about it, and you just want to move on and forget the whole thing ever happened. i know that won't be possible (to forget it all), but i just want to walk around with my head in the sand for a few days. this headspace has got to go. and i'm getting rid of it. thats the bottom line.
Friday, January 30, 2004
currently listening to: outkast - hey ya lend me some sugar....i am your neighbor!!!! ((i love that line.)) so yesterday, while a bad day, as things didn't go entirely the way they were supposed to in lab, ended up ok, because jen made me the most fabulous dinner. we had chicken alfredo with sauteed vegetables and fettuccine (or linguine. im not sure which pasta we ended up getting). quite tasty, and i thoroughly enjoyed. pasta is so my comfort food, and it was so tasty. and then rex had brownies with pieces of hershey's kisses in them. good lord. the first one i had was still kinda warm and melty inside, and it was delectable. all in all, the day was manageable, and i feel more stupid about the whole thing, and rather embarrassed. my own delusions and disillusionments are what caused this whole thing. so its kind of embarrassing. or really, its rather embarrassing. anyways. im in the lab now. im getting into the swing of getting here really early because i kinda like snaking the radio for the whole day, and getting work done when no one else is here. however, the grand plans of leaving early since i arrive early doesn't work. yesterday i got here at 7:30 and didn't leave til like, 5:30 ish, because i just kept having work to do. kinda sucked. but then jen was leaving when i was leaving and invited me over for dinner, so i guess it was alright in the end. all the same, 10 hour days are just too long. but its not like i have anything else to do, so i guess it doesn't matter. im tres apathetic and sarcastic today. it could be construed as bitchy. so if thats how it comes across to any that i see in person today, i apologize in advance. back to the grindstone...
Thursday, January 29, 2004
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
currently listening to: fallen by sarah mclachlan well, i was good. and tomorrow looked unimportant. and now? now i'd kinda like to sleep through tomorrow and pretend it never happened. why does this always have to happen. sigh. i feel nauseous. and small. and crushed. all over again. currently listening to: rooney - i'm shakin i forgot what it feels like to be normal, to be normal.... while incredibly tired, i woke up this morning and still got ready for the day. and while i was in the bathroom getting ready, i realized that i'm a really good headspace about stuff. and i like it. im just eating my brekkie now, trying to figure out how to not be tired, which, thusfar, is not so fruitful. but i love rooney. who said tv never showed us anything good. i never would have known about them, were it not for the OC! clearly, i lose. HA. and i sware that the lead singer of the band was the romantic lead from "the princess diaries". which makes the band THAT much cooler. im gonna go. do stuff, maybe. or not.
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
currently listening to: system of a down - x its 9:30 pm. i was still on CAMPUS at this time last night. and im going to bed right now. for real. i am the biggest loser ever. and i love it. im so tired. and this cold has kicked my ass. and im tired. so i'm going to bed. night. currently listening to: evanescence - my immortal AS IF. the weather network (.com) says its freezing rain outside. we got like, 15 cm of snow yesterday. and MY SCHOOL IS FUCKING OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! unbelievable. i am so disgusted right now. just ONE holiday. for pete's sake. upei gets closed if someone BREATHES the wrong way. why can't ours be closed for 15 cm of snow and freezing rain? ((haha, sorry kroe, but thats what it seems like!)) highschools and public schools in guelph are closed. they just get their students from within the friggin' city. so why is the university, with commuting faculty and students OPEN. thats just ASKING for something to go wrong. UGH.
Monday, January 26, 2004
i just got home at 10pm. and i just showered. and now, i don't even have the energy to put on clothes. let alone dry my hair. this blows. well, my blog commenting system is down. probably for a long while. so, i had to change comment systems, which, unfortunately means LOSING all my comments. :( if you're looking for something to do, feel free to peruse the archives and leave me fun notes on my comments. i would love you forever.
Sunday, January 25, 2004
"i've got an overpowering desire to see you............with your hat off." clearly, this is why the simpsons is so much fun. currently listening to: thrice - silhouette for the love of GOD.....WHY does everything have to start HURTING now? im achey and feel stiff and am getting a headache....and the sinus pressure.....oh, the pressure.... i just want to be HEALTHY. for fuck's sakes i actually HAVE work to do in the lab now....WHY can't i HANDLE THIS! @(*#*&#!@@#*$^@#$*@#$ and now, im going to die on the couch. thankyouforlistening.
Saturday, January 24, 2004
even sick girls can be affected by a simple pick-me-up. i got new bras. they're quite exciting, for me anyways. one of them is a 5 way convertble (strapless, halter, criss-cross, regular, and one strap over the shoulder). its fun. and i have this halter dress that i bought this summer, on one of my more-girlier-than-usual days, which is part of the reason i wanted one of those convertible bras. so they arrived today and i was trying them on and when i put on the convertible one, i tried on the halter dress with it. and my mom goes "you've lost weight." and when i looked in the mirror (and you may want to bookmark this entry, because these words will probably never leave my lips/hands again), i thought i looked good in that dress. me. sickie mccougher thought i look decent in this dress. and when i looked, i realized mom's right. i have dropped some pounds that i haven't noticed. i did notice tonight my biceps are a bit more toned, which was also exciting. still gotta work on my tri's tho, they're not quite as fabulous as i'd like. so i started feeling ok. and then, my nose completely closed up because my sinuses got full of crap and i started to feel gross again. but im gross and slightly thinner. which is just a bit more fantastical than gross. im going upstairs now. maybe i can stay up til sex and the city. who knows. i am SO going to look like rudolph in a couple days. jerkrednose. and jerkcommentserver. i don't know whats up with it. but i don't think its working. ARGH. gotta go. dins.
Thursday, January 22, 2004
currently listening to: the mars volta - roulette dares (the haunt of) well, it HAD stopped snowing. but now it just looks like a big ol' shaken snowglobe out there. probably about halfway through my lab work right now. exciting. i can soon go home. currently listening to: c&c - VCII: backend of forever its 7:53am and i've been at school for almost an hour. this is disgusting. but i just want to get my work done and go home. im nauseated. horribly horribly nauseated. and my throat is so swollen that i almost choke on it sometimes. there's nothing in it, im just choking, on my throat. it stopped snowing now. the clouds are moving at a good clip (so its gotta be windy outside), and its been interesting to go from complete darkness into daylight. perhaps thats the only thing about being in this early. currently listening to: c&c - the crowing so. miserably. sick. can't swallow. can't breathe. have to go into lab to get one thing done. then im coming home. dr bendall can kiss my ass if he thinks im staying all day. all i want to do is die. in bed. and be warm. im going to get dressed now. the earlier i get there, the earlier i get back home. it shouldn't take me long to get ready. im not packing a lunch because i can't swallow. i'll maybe have soup when i get home. but there's no point in sandwich + veggies + other stuff. and i sound like barry white. this blows.
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
im getting sick. my throat feels gross and slimy and like i've been vurping all day. overall, i feel like crap. and im whiny. and i don't like this anymore. i don't have anything else to say, unless its whiny. so im leaving. bye.
Monday, January 19, 2004
currently listening to: edge 102 - brand new "sic transit gloria, glory fades" maybe this day isn't that bad after all. this song is stellar. FABU stellar. which means edge is playing good music. and its good to hear this song, because i love it. SO GOOD. up the stairs: the station where the act becomes the art of growing up. the fever, the focus, the reasons that i had to believe you weren't too hard to sell. ((die young and save yourself.)) the tickle, the taste of... it used to be the reason i breathed but now it's choking me up. ((die young and save yourself.)) SUCH a good song. i could listen to that song on repeat, i sware. currently listening to: edge 102 whoops. so on thursday, i split my cells 1:2 (which means that it will take them a day to become confluent, which is really a nice word for crowded and full). i did this, so that i could split them 1:10 on friday so that they could grow over the weekend and be confluent on monday. only, i forgot to split them on friday. so i came in today, and looked at them, and was shocked to see them TOTALLY orange-ish/yellow (the media changes colour as an indicator of cell heath -- orange = very crowded, yellow = dead) and then i realized what i did. so what i said, about today not starting off great being a sign? it totally is. can it be bedtime yet? ugh. currently listening to: starlight mints - submarine no. 3 today, i'm on campus until probably 9 or 9:30 or 10. so im up now, because i have to go in early since from 2-i come home, i'm TAing. and i have no water right now. i turn on the tap, and nothing. somehow, i don't think this day is meant to go well.
Sunday, January 18, 2004
currently listening to: jets to brazil - air traffic control dear old man winter, if you're going to keep up with this snow business, throw in some freezing rain for good measure, enough precipitation in a short time span so that the campus can be closed. its only polite. sincerely, melissa
Saturday, January 17, 2004
ugh. im feeling........nothing. its weird. i think i need to NOT come home for a weekend ever again. but at the same time, i like the home cooking, and i like getting groceries, and i like the opportunity to drive, and i like satellite. but right now, im feeling like i have no friends, and it really sucks. there's a million things i could say right now, a mix of self deprecating and non-self deprecating (ie i think i look cute tonight), but i don't really feel like saying any of it. its odd, thinking that this time last year, i was watching uncle buck (and two other movies) while being on call, and entertaining a friend. things change. but yet it feels kinda like the same. i don't know. im saying a lot of nothing. so im going to go and put on jammers and maybe go to bed. im tired.
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
currently listening to: blinker the star have you ever not listened to an album in a really really really long time, and then you put it on and you're so totally amazed at how good it is? i heart blinker the star. i sware, that album (august everywhere) is some of the best canadian music out there. jordan zadarozny is a cool guy. i really need to get their new one. hot damn this is good.
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
well well well. we all knew it looked like a duck, and it quacked like a duck, and it walked like a duck.... and now we know that it certainly was and is a duck. taken from the the toronto star:
can't say im surprised.
Sunday, January 11, 2004
currently listening to: golden girls (on tv) is no one alive? i feel like no one's posting. im bored. and want to read things. i suddenly feel overly isolated. and i hate it.
Friday, January 09, 2004
currently listening to: cbc news be forewarned. i am FABULOUSLY grumpy right now. so its time for a rant. so i totally just deleted my big rant. i can't have it up here. not entirely sure why. but i can't. i think thats a good thing. im tired enough and don't want to go to lab at this hour. as if a -30 windchill makes that any better. i just want to sleep. le ugh.
Thursday, January 08, 2004
AS IF friggin' YELLOWCARD is coming to play at the DIRTY DENIM!!! :D:D:D ***edit: (like, 30 seconds later.) with EVE 6???? are they even still like, AROUND? who's heard of them in forever! pollstar only has yellowcard listed for the 27th in guelph, but ticketmaster has eve 6 and yellowcard at club denim in guelph. eve 6???? its just.....weird to hear about them after like, eons of nothingness. i suddenly feel very.....off. this is the summary of my activities for the past 3 days: work on literature review spend time in lab::::activities include photo composites of localization jpegs, printing off journal articles, reading the newspaper, going for lunch, journal club meeting, and a lot of sitting on my ass doing absolutely NOTHING. FOR REAL! JUST LET ME DO SOME PCR OR SOMETHING SO I CAN FEEL PRODUCTIVE! ahem. tuesday was nicole over for dins, wednesday was jen (surprise) over for dins, i watched the OC (twice, sadly), did some dishes and ate some dinner. oh, and a couple of showers in the past couple days as well. i just want to do something in lab. i feel like i wasted four months last semester, and it just seems to be continuing. is that to much to ask for? NO! so put me to work, dammit! ugh.
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
the more i think about, the more i want to give money a big kick in the nads. a sad day of reckoning is upon us, in which mel realizes she can't justify spending money on getting her tragus pierced, not when she has rent to pay, and a mastercard bill, and a tv to save for (jerk technology). this sucks. i honestly want to cry. i hate money. HATE it. dear left knee, there is nothing wrong with you. so stop acting like such a pansy and don't give me any more pain. forever attached, melissa
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
i just walked home from the bus stop, and i think i lost my legs. well, no, i have them, but for real, could not feel a DAMN thing as far as they were concerned on the walk home. i had ice on my eyelashes. and im sure i had frostbite on my face, well, the exposed part anyways. and for those of you about to criticize me in all my vest-y glory, swallow this: nowhere in this rant did i say my mid-section was cold -- NOWHERE. because it wasn't. arms were fine (hoodie + long sleeve tee). middle was fine (hoodie + long sleeve tee + vest). i had my hood on. and i had a scarf pulled around my neck, covering my nose and mouth. so unless im to wear a long jacket (which, ew, i would never because i don't like them) wearing a real coat will not change how i feel outside in the winter. and done. currently listening to: the whir of the printer hi. im starting to hate the internet. it makes me spend my time doing stupid things instead of working, like i should be. and you'd think i'd be able to stop it. but im weak. and i can't. cursed internet. things are ok. not as good as i'd like. but we all have setbacks sometimes, and we all get over them. im doing what i can to stay alive and as content as i can be. i'd be a lot more content it wasn't so friggin' windy outside. nicole is coming over tonight :) we're going to have soup and garlic bread and be stupid, im sure, just like we always are. im tres excited, she's fun and far away and i miss her. i haven't seen her in a long time either. so this will be good. communist week is just around the corner, and im feeling SO incredibly fat and disgusting. its gross. which makes me feel gross. yuck. i feel like i'm less in control of things than i want to be, or even than i used to be. and i can't figure out what happened. its not a spiral, by any means, because i don't feel its that far out of control, but things (eating habits) have changed (since i left guelph) and its hard to re-establish them. i find i'm getting hungry in the evenings again. for a brief period, i wasn't, and it was good, coz eating at night is bad. tsk tsk. but now the urges are there again and i hate them, i hate them more than i hate the internet. gah. this is going nowhere. im going to photocopy and eat lunch. maybe then i'll be sane. or not.
Sunday, January 04, 2004
currently listening to: brand new - i will play my game... i have decided that i am going to marry my vacuum. i don't think it'll be that strange. i put it all together today and vacuumed my little heart out. and i have never been so content, yet so disgusted at the same time. i don't know whats worse: having to live and see dirt all over your floor, or vacuuming your carpet and being DISGUSTED with all the crap that comes out. GOOD GOD i was walking around on this carpet for FOUR WHOLE MONTHS and itw as DISGUSTING! yuck. this vacuum (which the filter needs to be cleaned fairly often) works well, and i love it. its fabulous. and my floor is clean. the lit review that was supposed to be mostly written over the holidays is, well, not. im working a bit on it now, but it still don't be done. oh well. i have an e coli story. he has to feel sorry for me. HAHAHA. anyways. i should get back to work. ps: webcam = fabulous. i cammed today. it was fun. but weird. i kept thinking about it, and then i'd smile and i looked like a TOTAL newbie. which i am. but whatever. hahaha. ok. im really going now.
Saturday, January 03, 2004
Thursday, January 01, 2004
i just wanted to write so i could see "2004" at the top of the page. friggin' weird, man. my new years was lame. as it usually is. this is only the second year i didn't babysit on new years. i figure if im going to be lame, i can at least make money while doing it. mom's really frustrated with dad. i don't know what to do. so i told her she could come live with me in guelph. ha! we laughed. she said i'd have to get a non-basement apartment. i said that'd be ok. i don't have much else to write and/or talk about. im just zipping my mouth closed. |
old canvas
my amazon wishlist reading: staring at the lights again adrienne: non-fiction puck you: nhl playoffs 2004 jaked on green beers decordas that kind of girl kates danielle thebrenda theniki mr good the clinic swimgal's splashes love me, hate me.... everything's coming up robin sneaky pete one big rant homestarrunner rathergood.com threebrain.com found magazine makeoutclub chart magazine pollstar breathing: sign my guestbook view my guestbook photo album university of guelph the shape of punk to come musing: coheed and cambria alkaline trio jimmy eat world mae my chemical romance alexisonfire strike anywhere at the drive-in thursday ben folds / five the juliana theory finch brand new yellowcard esthero finger eleven incubus system of a down goldfinger face to face sparta silverchair radiohead weezer the weakerthans k's choice vagrant records drive-thru records victory records
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